Betara Guru Duduk Bertapa

Hai smlm i tak dpt nak buka langsung my blog and berblogging sebab betara guru duduk bertapa inside his room the whole day and kalau betara guru dah bertapa dlm bilik dia apalagi mcm2 lah dia order kak i, buat ini itu non stop and keep on calling me to his room, naik penat i duduk bangun. Tak pa, tak pa, sabar cause at the end of the day he sign my paycheck so muka mesti ada senyum.

Last weekend not much happening, babah amik i at office pas tu terus gi makan dulu sebab terlalu lapar, apatak nya tenaga dah banyak digunakan so perut lapar gila beb, nasib baik tak gila. Babah ajak makan @ Sabar Menanti, food wise not that fantastic, ok, ok lah, my mil pun tak makan banyak and she say i cook lagi sedap, ai nak hambat menantu dia sorang ni agaknya. Aft that kita gi marketing at newly renovated sheng siong supermarket at Serangoon. My girl had so much fun running around and tempat nya bersih skali, so much better now aft the revamp. Aft berbelanja terus balik rumah, babah kena keje malam. The cutest thing is princess i sorang call her babah before she go to sleep, good nigh babah, i luv u babah, big hug babah, muacks, muacks (she is kissing my hp) baru lah dia boleh tido.

Sunday ada jemputan at Pontian, my nephew's wedding so spent half a day there and my girl was super excited. This is not her first time visiting my kampong at Pontian, cuma dulu dia blum fully understand yet and now that she understand and dah boleh ckp, she kp on saying, bu look baby chicken, bu look chicken, bu look cat, babah look cow, babah i want to see cow babah, babah cow eat grass babah, bu cow busuk bu. Ai radio anak i non stop. By 2pm i dah bertolak nak balik sebab babah have to work again this evening so he wants to rest first before he starts work.

Oh ya semalam i brought my mil back to NUH to confirm her eye operation and yup confirm its going to be this thursday and i dah boleh forsee that this month is going to be tough month for me, i will be on leave on Thurs & Friday untuk jaga my mil, next week blum tau lagi and this whole month even tough she will be ok aft 1 week she will not be doing anything at home, sebab dia siang2 lagi dah bilang i yang she want to rest for the whole 1 month so kena lah i bangun early morning to cook for the family and siap kan rumah i dulu b4 going to work, so hopefully i got the strength to go thru this, InsyaAllah, Gods permits.

Good Start

Alhamdullilah, pagi ni i ceria sangat2, a good start for my weekend. Bangun pagi tadi memang rasa malas betul nak gi keje, masih ngantuk sebab anak i smlm sebelum i tido boleh batuk sampai teruk skali and she threw out her phelgm twice, nasib baik i am still awake kalau dah tido and in drowsy state aft few nights tido tak cukup i dont know whether i am still alert. Lepas anak i dah muntah i pulak yang takut nak tido, yelah kalau anak i choke on her phelgm so i force myself to be awake and babah pulak working mlm, tak pa lah berkorban untuk anak I.

Besok kena keje, not our usual saturday duty but to revamp the storage of our drawings, god's instruction, my boss ni kan tak ada keje lain dia ingat kita orang ni semua free sangat2 mcm tak ada outside life melainkan keje 24jam mcm dia sebab itulah dia nak kita buat benda merepek ni, apa nak buat. Ok lah tak nak banyak celoteh have to go back to my work, furthermore betara guru 1 hari duduk kak dlm opis so tak leh berceloteh banyak2 nanti dia tau.............

Long Week = Foul Mood

Its been a long week, minggu ni rasa nya mcm panjang sangat and things are not going well both in home & work front ada je yang tak kena.

My boss keep on throwing his temper at me, just because his brilliant engineer from &^*() main hentam je when issue drawings out to site and my boss was being queried, dia kena soal and in return dia soal i balik and this besar nya ass hole engineer did not tell me anything or what has been issued to site so obviously lah i dont know anything and worst of all she is on leave for 1 month balik kampung so sapa nak gi answer or layan my boss nya question! urgh fed-up, bingit, boring. My boss pun satu bila this stupid engineer ada, dia tak nak tanya or marah dia tapi kalau dia tak ada amboi mcm2 dia tanya nak tunjuk marah dia lah tu, pegi dah. Gi lah marah si pompuan &&%*&$%^ tu jgn marah me! bodoh nya boss. My HR pulak tells me that i have taken time off twice this month which all staff can only take 1 time off per month. Not that i wanted to, what am i suppose to do i got a small girl at home who needs me too. Both this time off i took its because i need to send her to see the GP and sending her to school because she refuse to go to school and dont want her granny to send her there so i send lah and bukan nya i tak pay back the time that i took. Kenapa lah so rigid. Why can't they evaluate and see why the staff take the time off instead off telling them straight away. Apa diaorang ingat i take time off sal i bangun lambat ke just like others! Just because others has abuse these privilege diaorang ingat semua orang pun sama, urgh.................

For home front pulak, mcm mana eh nak elaborate..........susah lah nak terangkan. Early this week i did exchange angry emails with my DH and terus tak bercakap. We did talk now but not like usual, i dont know is it because he is down with his flu again or is it because my email content or entah lah, berkecamuk betul my head. I just bottle things up, who can i turn too for me to release all my tension, anger, frustration, I just need someone that will listen to me, just listen and biar kan i rambel mcm org gila tak pe just listen and i will feel better when i dah muntahkan what ever its inside but dont analyse me or give me that mumbo jumbo talk. Is it so difficult or am i demanding too much. My little princess had been a little tyrant this week, bila tak dpt sesuatu she will wail her hear out and nangis mcm org kena pukul and both my in laws ingat i dah dera anak i ni yg add on to my frustration, then my mil will tarik muka panjang kak i, urgh!!! bukan i sengaja nak pukul anak i but sometimes my girl really drive me to the wall. I tak nak salahkan both my inlaws but they have spoilt my girl so much. Apa my girl nak semua dia dpt from both grandparents ni yg susah for me to discipline my girl cause she refuse to listen to me and accept no for an answer. Bila nangis straight away my girl will shout for nyai and her granny will come to her rescue, whoa how to handle this.

Hopefully next week i will have a better week, entah lah, what ever it is, i just have to face it, with help and strength from The Almighty ALLAH, i will..........

Phew!!!!!

Ari ni special sikit, i did 2 entries. This morning i did mention yang i have to go down to the store room to do a little bit of packing. Immediately tadi aft lunch i terus turun to the basement and did it.

Mana punya dol mat dah main campak barang2 merepek on the shelve so berserak lah and also an eye sore. Our main director (nick name god) commented to my friend to get someone to clear that area and biasa lah nak tolak balak diorang main teka barang atas shelve tu semua barang my boss. I malas nak bertekak kan so buat je lah the packing and hold and behold its not my boss nya reports, drawings, etc2. Ada lah juga barang my boss tapi setakat satu dua je yang lain definitely not Mr Ho's so i apalagi amik barang yg bukan milik tuan besar and i campakan kak tempat lain yg boss i punya i amik dan susun ngan elok with his other stuffs.
U tengok lah si dol mat main campak je, kalau u all menyirap tak darah kalau tengok benda berselerak gini.

Ok dokie dah siap dah kemas, it took me abt 1/2hr to clear the mess, berani lah ada org buat beserak balik tempat ni i sure nya mengamok sakan.

I did mention to my boss no matter how much we have clean up/pack all the documents in the store definitely there will be bound to have one or two ass hole to mess it up again. So i suggest to lock the room up so nobody can go in there except the secretaries but the god tak nak pulak, his reason the place must be accessible to everyone tapi dia tak fikir kalau dah accessible to everyone and everyone make a mess siapa nak dok gi kemas!! Dia ingat kita ni secretary jadi part time cleaning maid ke, bodoh nya boss (god) semua nak ikut rentak dia je abih rentak kita sapa nak ikut, fed-up seh mcm ni...........

Got Sleep no Missing Sleep

After two night of missing sleep baru lah semalam dapat tido fully, not really fully lah, i dont know when was the last time i really have a good and interupted sleep. From sunday to monday night my precious has been coughing badly. Even she herself wasn't sleeping well, bangun and merengek cause her cough is really bothering her but she manage to spit out her phlegm out twice on monday night which is good but i yg jadi takut to go to sleep, takut anak i will choke on her phlegm. The worst part is my DH pun down so that is why lah i tak nak kacau my DH and let me him rest thru so bila masuk office semalam dah mcm zombie. The 1st thing i did bila the clock strike 12.30, tido sebab mata i dah tak leh nak buka langsung.

My DH decide to see the GP semalam aft work and brought my girl along skali and true enough she got throat infection so have to take antibiotics. Nasib baik lah i got no problem in administrating medicine for my girl, what i need to do is put the syrup in the syringe, give it to her and wholah she will take it herself. So semalam i give the antibiotics dulu sebab i tau rasa nya sure pahit and tak sedap and the cough mixture last and in between the flu and phlegm medicine that she like the taste. Aft the 1st obat dengan pantas she campak the syringe to me dont like, dont want so i pun dengan pantas give her plain water to drink and cepat bagi dia obat favourite, yg paling cute is when she take the cought mixture and this is the 1st time she took it ee dont like, dont want, not nice, not nice she can only manage to take half of the dosage amt which is fine by me sebab the taste memang tak sedap and aft that her babah gave her usual night bath she is still complianing, not nice babah dont want babah kesian anak i nak kena take sampai 4 mcm obat at one go. I finally fall asleep around 12+ aft my usual hse work and monitor jap anak i whether she will able to sleep and Alhamdullilah she manage to, she is still coughing but not so bad lah and she wakes me up around 5+ for milk. Since my DH will be at home today i let my girl tido lewat kesian pulak nak kejut anak i bangun awal since hari2 she has to wake up early and she was enjoying her sleep this morning after two nights of not having a good night sleep.

Rasa ngantuk masih ada even aft my usual dose of tea pun ada rasa ngantuk juga, nampak2 lunch time nak kena tido lagi lah. As for my work front, ari ni nak kena masuk our office nya store and pack all my boss nya pass project soil investigation report and mcm2 lagi lah so nak kena pakai tenaga but at least i will be moving around a lot so tak lah rasa ngantuk sangat but mlm ni badan sure sakit gila nya, apa nak buat dah kata keje kan, buat je lah...............

Sedih

Pernah tak you rasa yang no matter how much effort you put in or done is never enough. The good things that you do always backfires. That is what i am feeling now. I've been asking myself what do i need to do to make things better, maybe the effort that i put in is not enough but how do i know its enough. Or i sendiri not a good person, not being a good wife, not being a good daughter-in-law, not being a good sister-in-law and not being a good mother to my only child. I betul rasa tertekan and i can't breathe.

Kalau org lain tak menghargai what i have done and make me feel isolated how do i handle this. I really, really, really miss my late mother. Dulu everytime kalau i ada problem or feeling down i dont have to do anything just look at her face and smile dah cukup rasanya mcm org dahaga dapat minum air sejuk and when i talk to her she will answer me very softly and sambil usap-usap rambut i rasanya all the problems that i face will go away and rasa ringin but now where am i to go, where to turn to, I know turn to the ALMIGHTY ALLAH. I will just keep on berdoa untuk perbanyakan and pertebalkan kesabaran i and pasrah and redha apa saja pemberian Nya sebab ALLAH knows best and segala cubaan yg diberikan ada hikmah dan cubaan bagi diri i.

So, so weekend

Hmph why so, so nak kata i have a good weekend, yes i did enjoy my friday & saturday but smlm darah ada up sikit sebab tu lah my weekend so, so je.

Friday my DH fetch me from office with my little princess and as she is super excited when her babah did mention to her that she will be joining him at the field sampai kan dia tak nak take her usual nap, tido kejap je abt half hour takut kan babah leave her at home with her granny kul 4 she had already bug her babah, yok babah go out. Tulah anak i tak leh janji ngan dia langsung. The minute when i got into the car abis radio anak i non stop on, audrey follow babah, audrey kick ball, audrey run, where babah friend, ada je yg dia tanya. Its usual when we are all in the car all the attention is towards her, kalau my DH & I nak discuss anything tunggu dia tido or my DH will kacau her & make her cry kejap then i will sumbat her pacifier & get her high with her pacifier baru lah the two of us boleh talk kalau tidak jgn harap. I post kan gambar anak i kehausan, after lari mcm kambing lepas kandang.

Early saturday morning 1st stop CCK to spend quality time with my kak long and like i mention in my earlier post the menu is kari kepala ikan. Besar betul kepala ikan yg kak long i beli and biasa lah i lupa nak snap gambar the presentation of my kari kepala ikan. It was a nice lunch with my eldest bro & his wife joining us. I miss my family, how i wish to could see them as often as i could. Around 4+ my DH fetch us for our weekend outing. I ni betula nya sua koo, my friends kebanyakan nya dah gi marina barage but me blum pernah gi sana so i suggest my DH we go there instead and my little princess luv it, she enjoy it so much that tak nak balik. She luv playing with the water.

Me : Audrey are you done baby, can we go now.

Audrey : Not yet, wait 5 min

Me : Are you done yet baby (this is aft her 5 min grace)

Audrey : No bu, play water, kick & kick. Ibu come here (pointing at me where she want me to stand)

DH : Quick just grab her and go dah nak maghrib

So terpaksa lah i dokong anak i je but i kp on promising her that we will come back here again.

Gambar yg di atas tu masa kita baru sampai, cantik je kan anak i but aft 1 hr of playing abis basah baju dia nasib baik lah i brought extra baju. By the time sampai rumah dah nak kul 10 so just nice time to bath her and go to bed and tido pun senang sebab dah penat sangat and her battery dah flat needs to be charge.

As for Sunday i tak nak comment banyak2, just to say i am frustrated but what am i to do, telan je lah and tak leh nak buat apa2.