Who Am I

Ya ampun dah 12 hari dah kita menyambut hari raya and dah lama benor i mengupdate my blog bukan tak nak update but terlalu bz and penat pun ye. Daripada malam raya sampai kan lah skg my sesi masak memasak belum abis lagi.

Hmph why does my title for my entry kali ini asking myself who am I??? I sendiri pun dah tak tau. I dont know why lately i just feel so depress, i just don't know who am i anymore.......I got no one to turn too, nak talk to my sisters nanti they misunderstood me and i don't want them to get worried unnecessary sebab they have their own problem to think off tak kan lah i nak menambahkan my misery to them. Nak ckp ngan kekawan i don't know whether are they going to be my listening ear and shoulder to cry on or they end up giving me wrong advice. My relationship with my mak metua is doing ok sampai kan lah i dah tak terlarat nak melayan dia. She insist doing things her way and me nak tak nak nak kena ikut kan sometimes i wish i could tell her please mak give me a break, i am very tired i need rest, i need sleep and i need time on my own too, i need my own space but how to tell her this when she is super sensitive so by the end of the day i pedamkan all my misery inside me.

As for my little princess, ya ampun she has been little tyrant lately, she refuse to listen to me and throwing tantrum unnecessary and testing my patience to the full limit and my mak metua does not help cause everytime my girl cry she will straight away carry my girl and start telling me to stop scolding my little girl, hai sedih rasanya when i can't even discipline my little girl. My mak metua thinks that i scold my little girl just for the sake of scolding, why must i do that! i have to discipline my little girl cause i am scared that she is going to turn out spoilt little brat. This frustration adds on to my misery feeling, sigh!!!

As for me and DH entahlah lately i feel that we did not communicate enough, every time i open my mouth to talk or discuss something with him, he ends up shouting or screaming at me and me end up shutting myself out and feeling more depress (am crying now) where do i go wrong, i keep on asking myself, may be i have not done enough! so how do i know what i have done is enough. Bila orang tengok i they will think i have nothing to worry about cause i am always smiling and laughing but the real fact deep down inside i rasa macam dah nak meletup, if only i could just pack my girl and just run, run somewhere i dont know where but just somewhere i can breathe and tak rasa suffocate and i can be myself again. I know its impossible cause i got responsibility and i just can't run away but ya ALLAH help me every sujud and every doa i mintak i diperbanyakan and pertebalkan kesabaran i and to give me strength and help me thru, InsyaALLAH with izin DIA i akan kuatkan semangat......................